The calling from the saintly looking figure who has descendet from das minibus garage

As I looked out of my kitchen window after pouring fossilized dinosaur dung all over the floor, I noticed the mystery man hopping past my house. He blates had a purpose, and so i went out to meet him to see what it was. He greeted me as i picked myself up from falling over the pot plant from space, and seemed to ponder a thought before speaking to my yupping self (whatever that means) ''You shall join me on a great quest, the quest to find the llamalingmen!'' he exclaimed to my delight. ''yeeeeha!'' i yodelled ''what the pool is that?''
''It is the unofficial book of llama wisdom''
''oh, men''
''I know you have been told about your destiny from the great llama (All Hail), THIS IS YOUR DESTINY. You will be chased by many things along the way some of them which have more intimate d3sires than others, but there is one which you already know of and we need to dispose of before we go. This will be your initiation, you must make the Vampire chummy!''

''Oh Men'' I said ''t'would be easier to slay it''
''aye, but then the vampire wouldn't be able to post any more paragraphs to us!''
''Indeed''