The Resurrection Part 2: The Slaughter of Piglet and Eeyore

The Story: I am going to be resurrected by a marmite miner if I can kill Winnie the Pooh Prodder and his friends. Oh, and sentences are smushy.

I had been walking through the f***ing forest for f***ing ages and was getting f***ing bored with that f***ing marmite miner's f***ing plan. Anyway, enough of the ramblings of a dead man.

Presently I came across a treehouse with a little pig banging the door (yes like that). "Winnie let me in!" he cried. I felt like crying too, but with laughter. I picked up a handy iron bar lying in the grass, and stalked towards the prat, who was too busy crying to notice. I raised the bar above my head (heehee), paused for a second and swung it straight at his head (no, the top one). And paused again. I had had an idea. I hid the iron bar behind my back and tapped him on the shoulder. "Excuse me?" I said.

"AAAAAARRGGGHHH!!!!!" he shouted. "Don't hurt me!"

"I won't." I assured him. Boy, I was a good liar. I had attended acting school and passed with distinction. "You're not a good liar!" he said and legged it into the trees. Alright, maybe I didn't pass. Maybe I did get the worst grade possible there, but the examiner said I had style. Better put it to use.

"COME HERE, YOU LITTLE SHIT!!!!"

I chased after him. It wasn't hard to catch up to be honest, because of his stubby little legs. I soon tackled him into a big oak tree, who was watching with great amusement. Piglet trembled. "Pl-pl-please d-d-d-don't hurt-t-t-t m-m-m-me!!" he stammered. "I won't if you tell me where that shitty donkey is." "He'll be in his favourite nettles in about half an hour. Just follow the grove down there. Apparently they taste nice." he smirked. "Why are you smirking?" I asked. "You said you won't hurt me!" he exclaimed. "I'm safe!"

"No you're not!" I said and swung the iron bar at his head. It connected with a satisfying crunch and Piglet crumpled to the floor. I walked thorugh the forest again. After about 5 minutes I came across some dynamite on the floor. This would come in handy. I reached a clump of nettles and presumed this was the patch that Eeyore would be at. I placed the dynamite in the middle and retreated to a safe distance.

* * * * *

Meanwhile, in a tree, a sniper had just landed from a plane on a parachute. He assembled his rifle and sat down to wait. Presently his target, a donkey, came into the clearing and started stuffing his face full of nettles. The sniper took aim, adjusting his aim to allow for the wind, and prepared to fire. BOOM!! The sniper stopped with alarm as he was splattered with donkey. Ah well. His master would be happy that The Jeb Of The North was carrying out his duties.

* * * * *

I stepped out of the bush I had been hiding behind and snorted. What a twat the donkey was.

To be continued...