The Resurrection: Part 1

I floated.

Well, when I thought about it I was... FALLING!!!

"Oh crump!" I shouted, waving my arms through the air.

And fell.

And fell.

And fell.

And fell.

Eventually, I got bored of waving my arms around like a headless (haha) baboon and settled down, watching the clouds go past. I found a half eaten Snickers and sat munching.

I fell asleep.

I dreamt I was frolicking with The Almighty Llama (AH) in a field. (hey, it was a dream)

"Peanut spitter carry me!
Peanut spitter set me free!
Take me where I want to be; Llama carry me!
Woke up this mornin'
And I looked at the rising sun.
Peanut spitters everywhere sayin'
Frolic, everyone!"

WHUMP!!!

I hit something soft. On closer inspection it was fluffy. And cold. I sat up and opened my eyes.
"Wtf?" I exclaimed. It was a cloud.
"Thou shalt not use vulgar language in mine presence!"
"WTF?" It was an old bloke in a robe. I felt like pissing him off even more so daringly stated, "WTF?" again.
"Oh come on, give an old guy a break..." he sighed.
"Who the hell are you?"
"I... am... GOD!!!"
"Okaaay.. I'll be going now." I said and took a step to the edge.
"Hey I brought you back from a painful death with a urinal!!!" he yelled.

I winced. Embarassing.

"What do you want?" I asked, worried.
"All I want for you to do is to get rid of some vermin for me. They've been annoying me terribly, and, if I'm honest, I'm really pissed off. Theyre just so..."
He struggled for the right word.
"Gay?" I asked
"No."
"Stoned?"
"No!"
"Er... how about "complete and utter marmite miners"?"
"Now you're pissing me off. Look will you just get rid of them? I'll send you back if you do..."
He left the sentence hanging in the air.

I poked it. Smushy. Definitely smushy.

"Alright. I'm always up for killing a few hobos." I said. "Where are they?"
"In The Hundred Acre Forest."
"Are you kidding? You want me to kill Winnie the Pooh Prodder?"
"Yup. And his friends. But make it... imaginative!" he exclaimed with great relish.

I shrugged. "Wtf, why not?" I said to piss him off.

"Bye then!" he yelled as he pushed me off the side.

"M
A
R
M
I
T
E

M
I
N
E
R
!!!" I yelled at him, but he just waved.

I landed with a THWACK this time not a THUMP, (thats a THWACK) and looked around. I was in a forest. Boy, was I going to enjoy this.

To be continued...