My Arduous Journey

Time passed in a similar manner, numerous escapades elapsing like leaves in a llama induced gale, and then the day turned to Monday. I had heard tell of this dread day, but I had never dreamt it would come to pass and I would still be here, but alas I had nowhere to go, I knew I must endure it. Every Monday, we were forced to traverse the trek to the far away land of Hart Field, but I could not go yet, I needed to prepare. I searched far and wide for one who could help me in my predicament, I had heard tell of a man so powerful, he could grant the power of breasts, but that could wait for my privet time. For now I only needed energy sufficient to complete journey, and return unscaved, well maybe a little scathed, a bit of arse scratching never goes amiss. I scoured the grounds, I even dug up the field, but he did not appear, as soon as I started, I knew, I knew where I must go, but I couldn't face it. I swore I would never return. But I had to. I had no choice. As I climbed the stairs, my stomach churned, and I excreted butter, my muscles screaming to stop, and my brain forcing them to go on. I could not, I would not; I was. I neared the top, a metal gateway loomed to my front, I slowed almost to a stop as its essence physically repulsed me. After an age, I passed through it. "Beep, beep, beep, beep." It went.
"Crap! I haven't returned a book!" I cried. Enemies appeared on all sides, emerging from side rooms, smashing through windows, untangling themselves from what had appeared moments ago to be a pile of bags, one even flying out of my rectum to appose me. Thinking on my feet, and indeed in my feet, I ripped out the apposing book and somehow managed to throw it in all their faces (yes, all of them). With them temporarily incapacitated, I swung myself up onto the stairs, to find my quarry. I found him, sat at a table, hood up, head buried in a book. I sat opposite and waited in silence for an acknowledgment of my presence. Half an hour later, he looked up, and said unto me:
"You seek energy."
"Yes, master."
"Come."
"I'm not that premature!" And so we went. In an instance we appeared in chemistry, and glorious gap was flowing from every orifice in the organism, wonderful, life giving gas.
"It stinks." I said
"Yes, now drink deep." Gas flooded my senses, bringing my very being to ultimate ecstasy.
"Yum." I said.

Now ready, I braced myself against the hell sent wind, still tumbling about laughing. "Ha, Mark Bell." I repositioned my serious face and put my foot on the road. It exploded. "Ow." I left the large smoking hole and continued. Travelling further, I navigated a portal, and confirmed my sexuality. Many hours later, I reached a bridge. However, by the time my laughter from the phalluses that adorned the nearby fence had subsided, it had collapsed. I turned to the right, my only available option. My jaw dropped at the mesh of brambles, this was going to be painful. I stepped forward purposefully, and cut off my ear. "Ow." And suddenly the ground before my feet disappeared, and I found myself falling, 10ft, 20ft, 30ft, 200ft, and then I stopped. "Ow. That'll be why there's a bridge." I slowly looked up the cliff that opposed me, and began my assent. Three days later I reached the summit, slipped on the muddy floor and started again. Three days later, I reached the summit, and continued.

I concluded the remainder of the journey, stopping only to post a goose through the letterbox. I reached the sacred turning, and with a sigh I orientated myself to the blesséd gateway, only to find it hanging off its hinges, gently smoking. Shifting my sights to the consecrated field itself, I was sickened to my very core to find it equally degraded.
This was the place.
The time was soon.
I hid in the changing rooms attic.