The Horn(y) of war

As I stumbled, dazed and confused, back to the land of jezz that was LSS i noticed a growing sense of greasiness down under. And then in a flash the llama (all hail) spoketh unto me.

"this is your weapon" he said

"but, what is my weapon you great piece of crusty frendle?". There was no answer.

I reached down there. When my hand came up it was holding a condom. But it was condom like no other. It had oranges encrusted in the hilt, ones that had suffered many misdoings yet whose beauty exhaled only the wisdom of a thousand battles and the wisdom of the men and women who had given their lives to preserve it. The bell tip was majestic, even vaginal! And the most remarkable thing about it was the strata of rasberry compote and eternally frozen cranberry juice from which its main shaft was made.



It felt light in my hand, like it had finally found a purpose. It had. As i stood in the glistening dew of the early morning i heard only word with ears finely tuned from years in the wilderness. "BAIL!"



I knew that the first of many battles was on its way. But i would not be alone. I looked around and saw the young woman gently thrusting into an onion, saw the famed army Major, major Bellend, the Mysterious stranger, my stalker giving me the look, Dobbie the House elf just being generally gay, saw Chrisps Macboner. I stroked the wooden spoon in my pocket that i had picked up from the cutlery drawer earlier. I tasted the majestic Dom that had been given unto me and it tasted sweet, o so sweet! I knew that the llama (All hail) was on our side.

Tommorow would bring war. Against who i did not know.